Goodbye All

For those of you reading my blog, this will be my last post. Some things have been happening in my world that I'm not going to talk about here because bad people may be reading this. I will hopefully be able to start again or continue this one someday. For now I am going off air and off line. Goodbye my friends. At least concerning my blog anyway. :)

God vs. Science

A science professor begins his school year with a lecture to the students, "Let me explain the problem science has with religion." The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"

"Yes sir," the student says.

"So you believe in God?"

"Absolutely."

"Is God good?"

"Sure! God's good."

"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"

"Yes."

"Are you good or evil?"

"The Bible says I'm evil."

The professor grins knowingly. "Aha! The Bible!" He considers for a moment. "Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?"

"Yes sir, I would."

"So you're good...!"

"I wouldn't say that."

"But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't."

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. "He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?"

The student remains silent.

"No, you can't, can you?" the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

"Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"

"Er...yes," the student says.

"Is Satan good?"

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. "No."

"Then where does Satan come from?"

The student falters. "From God"

"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?"

"Yes, sir."

"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?"

"Yes."

"So who created evil?" The professor continued, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil."

Again, the student has no answer. "Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?"

The student squirms on his feet. "Yes."

"So who created them?"

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. "Who created them?" There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. "Tell me," he continues onto another student. "Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. "Yes, professor, I do."

The old man stops pacing. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?"

"No sir. I've never seen Him."

"Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?"

"No, sir, I have not."

"Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?"

"No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."

"Yet you still believe in him?"

"Yes."

"According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?"

"Nothing," the student replies. "I only have my faith."

"Yes, faith," the professor repeats. "And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith."

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. "Professor, is there such thing as heat?"

"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."

"And is there such a thing as cold?"

"Yes, son, there's cold too."

"No sir, there isn't."

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. "You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees."

"Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

"What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?"

"Yes," the professor replies without hesitation. "What is night if it isn't darkness?"

"You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word."

"In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?"

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. "So what point are you making, young man?"

"Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed."

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. "Flawed? Can you explain how?"

"You are working on the premise of duality," the student explains. "You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought."

"It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it."

"Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"

"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do."

"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

"Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?"

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.

"To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean."

The student looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?" The class breaks out into laughter.

"Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir."

"So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?"

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. "I guess you'll have to take them on faith."

"Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life," the student continues. "Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?"

Now uncertain, the professor responds, "Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

Day 1 of Girls Weekend!

My bestie is over for the weekend! Woohoo! It's so awesome! I love when she comes over because we have movie night, "crazy" night (inside joke), and pig out night all in one night! Now we're stretching that across 4 days! It's gonna be awesome! It's night 1 and I'm lovin it!

What do I do?

So the woman harassing me has no threatened to kill me and my best friend and steal our dogs. What do you say to that? What am I supposed to do about that? I called the police officer handling my case and she hasn't called me back. I can try to get an anti-harassment and no contact order but the cops have to find her to serve her. I don't know. It's ridiculous...

Life Sucks

I feel like crap right now. I’ve been filling out job applications like crazy. I always seem to be filling one out but it’s different now. I’ve run out of money and my family can’t afford to support me forever so now a job is more necessary. This whole process has forced me to realize that even though I thought I was pretty grown up, I’m not. It’s time for me to grow up and get a job and that scares me. I wish God would just tell me what to do. What do I need to do? Part of me wonders what career he has in mind for me. I just wanna cry right now because I feel so lost. I wish I knew what to do and wasn’t so confused and sad. WHAT DO I DO NOW!?! I feel like crying. Usually I bury myself in my stories so I forget but I need to stop doing that and face reality. I’m not a kid and I need to not act like it. I almost wish I was though. Right now I just want to crawl into bed and never come out again. I get now why people say to enjoy your childhood. I don’t know. I guess my depression is really getting to me. Not to mention the person who’s harassing me. She finally got to the point of actually literally saying she’s going to kill me and steal my dog. As if I wasn’t paranoid enough. I just need this to end yet that isn’t happening. For the first time in my life I’m actually upset with God. I love him and believe in him but that doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t stop this. Sometimes I wonder if he loves us as much as the bible says. Parents are supposed to do everything they can to protect their children. I ask him to stop her and my family and friends ask him to stop her. I put my faith into the fact that he will and all I get is disappointment. I’m still a Christian. I believe what the bible says but I just wonder why God lets people be so cruel or at least why doesn’t he warn or protect us from them. Especially as Christians. Who knows? I just want it all over and done. 

I Long For The Day

I Long For the Day…

I long for the day when the woman obsessed with hurting me gives up

I long for the day when my ex finally lets go of his obsession with me

I long for the day when my best friend is treated with more respect from other friends

I long for the day when my father’s job brings him to a church closer to me

I long for the day when my mother stops hurting

I long for the day when my sister is healed

I long for the day when my brother no longer needs restraint to calm down

I long for the day when my baby sister has her dream restaurant

I long for the day when I feel no more pain

Pray from my puppy!

My dog has been sick for a few days. He's got diarrhea and has to go all the time. Please pray for him! He needs it!

Comedian Jeff Allen on Underwear

We Say Toot

Men Should Get Pregnant

Christians Don't Have curse Words

Jeff Dunham

Mangling words

Why do people have to get upset and mangle your words to hurt others and try turn them against you? I can't believe someone would be so immature! Way to be an adult...

Haters That Never Stop Hating

It's so annoying when people constantly have to put others down. Why do they get obsessed? I've got this woman, the ex-wife of my ex-boyfriend, who can't seem to let anything go. First off she told me, while she was still married, that she wanted me to date her husband. I told her no but later, once the divorce was final, I dated him. She seems to think we were together before then which doesn't make sense. We broke up rather soon after that and she knows that. She also knows we are no longer friends yet she still harasses me and my bestie because she says we caused her divorce. It's like she thinks that it doesn't matter that she cheated on him many times before they were divorced. She told us her husband was abusive. I don't get it. Why is she harassing me and my friend when he's the one she'd mad at. Especially when I'm not his friend or anything. It's annoying. I'm looking forward to the day when the police arrest her and she gets in trouble for everything she's done.

Early Morning Blues

Ugh! I hate getting up early. I always feel like crap when I do. I get some sort of irritable bowel thing when I get up before 9. Maybe I'll get lucky and find a doctor who can do something about it. I think if I didn't get so sick I would be able to get up early more often. It's just one of those things I guess...

A Fire Can Change Everything

"It can't happen to me." "I'm not like them." These two phrases are two of the biggest untruths people can voice. I used to think this in a way until last night when a poster fell off my wall and onto a candle I was burning. Luckily the fire caused by this wasn't too big and I got it out before it became serious but even that small fire changed my outlook on some things. I've heard the firetrucks and seen them fly by on the road but never have I ever thought it would happen to me. Granted the firetrucks never cam e to my room because, as I said, the fire was small. However, it melted the top part of my printer so now I can't scan or copy items. It also poured soot into the printer as I poured water over the fire. I can't remember the last time I was this terrified. The simple fact that I may not even be able to pay my bills for February means I definitely can't afford to replace this printer. It's a sad feeling thinking that I don't even have the $100 to pay my bills. How I wish I would get a letter in the mail with money in it from an anonymous donor. LOL. Like that would ever happen. It would be nice but that's another matter. As I was saying, a fire can change everything. I was fortunate enough to only have to deal with a small one that I was able to deal with myself. Fires are dangerous and never something to fool with. Hopefully I'll never have to deal with one again...

I've Come to Realize

I've come to realize that my body is... larger than a size that i'm comfortable with

I've come to realize that my job is ... to get a good education and become self-sufficient 

I've come to realize that when I'm driving... I've started to yell almost as much as my grandfather

I've come to realize that I need nothing more in life than... God, my family, and my friends

I've come to realize that I've lost my... motivation for a lot of things

I've come to realize that I hate... when people are hypocritical and judgmental

I've come to realize that money is... hard to come by these days

I've come to realize that certain people... will hate me no matter what i do and possibly hate me just cuz I'm me

I've come to realize that I'll always remember... who was there for me and who didn't disappear at my darkest hours

I've come to realize that my siblings... are stronger than me and I'm proud of them

I've come to realize that my mom... Is one of my best friends and will never judge me no matter what stupid thing I do

I've come to realize that my Dad is... my hero and does everything he can to help me with even the smallest things

I've come to realize that my cell phone… is almost never turned off

I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning... I follow a routine no matter the time

I've come to realize that at night... sleep doesn't always come

I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about... how there is nothing to watch on TV

I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook... I get hurt because of the woman who wants to ruin my life

I've come to realize that today... I felt just as crappy as yesterday

I've come to realize that tonight... it's colder than ever in my room

I've come to realize that tomorrow... I will finally go to a church related activity since I last went to church in December

I've come to realize that I really want to... write a song

I've come to realize that this weekend... will be just like all the others with the exception of the party tomorrow

I've come to realize that the best music to listen to when I'm upset is... Christian music because it always lifts me up

I've come to realize that my friends... are the ones who are there for me and who I can trust

I've come to realize that this year... I want to get mentally healthy

I've come to realize that maybe I should... work harder at getting better

I've come to realize I really don't understand... why life has to suck so much

I've come to realize that my past... is history

I've come to realize that parties... can be fun as long as the people there don't try to do anything illegal

I've come to realize that my life is... frustrating but can get better

Netflix Rocks!

I love Netflix! It's great being able to watch movies off the internet through my Xbox 360. It's way better than cable because you choose what you want from a wide variety of movies and you can watch it from the beginning. You can fast-forward or rewind as if you had the DVD itself or even get the DVDs and watch them that way. With cable you have to choose from what is on and even with 500 channels there isn't always something worth watching. Netflix is the best!

Will It Never End???

I got a message from a friend today saying that Lenny is have an emotional breakdown and has posted on facebook and his blog about how I sent him an email to finish things up. They also said that his friends we calling me a coward for doing it. I hate when people judge before they know the whole story. They don't know that I tried to do that in person. They don't know how hard it is to explain stuff to Lenny because he always takes it the wrong way. I sent him the email and, according to what my friend told me, he even mistook my words from that email. I tried to explain to him everything there was to say that night that I ended out friendship but honestly I still care about him as a person and I could tell he was upset. I didn't want to prolong that moment. The only reason I sent him the email is because he wouldn't stop bothering my best friend the night we were hanging out about how to fix the problem (The only reason I know is because I was looking through her ringtones and messages kept popping up). I sent the email because he wasn't getting it or maybe he was just refusing to accept it. I don't know. All I know is I'm looking forward to the day when I don't get messages from friends saying he's sharing our problem with the world. I got news for you world I FORGIVE HIM! I have for a while and just because I won't be his friend again doesn't mean I don't. I'm just done. I didn't actually read his posts or blog and I'm not going to but from what I was told he seems to think that just because I won't be his friend means I don't forgive him. Apparently he's acting as though I can only forgive by being his friend. Thats like saying a wife can't forgive her husband for cheating on her without getting back together. Like a wife in that situation I forgive him but I'm done. I am the type of person who gives trust in the beginning. Granted I don't give full trust but I would say I give about 75% trust in the beginning. From there the person has the option of proving them self trustworthy and trying to make it to 100% or proving themselves untrustworthy and eventually making it down to 0%. Over the last 16months Lenny has been very kind and generous but being kind and generous doesn't make up for lies he told and actions he took that took him down to 0%. You can't buy trust and friendship. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything he's done but it doesn't make up for his mistakes. I forgive his mistakes but I'm done with dealing with the trust issues and obsessions. I am done with this whole situation and I have asked my friends and family to stop informing me on what he's doing so Lenny if you're reading this, know that I will no longer have any update on you so don't post anything for me because I won't see or hear about it. Before I go I'd like to say one last thing. This whole thing is not because of Lenny's disability. If it were because of that then this would have happened a long time ago. Also it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm bipolar and no amount of medication will fix this. I'm sorry but that's how it is. Now that I will not longer get info on Lenny my life can finally continue peacefully...

I Love My Guitar

My acoustic guitar has always been my best friend, even before I learned to play it. I love the way it sounds when I strum each string. I love to spend hours learning new chords and songs. The only problem with that is, sometimes I lose track of time which makes my alarm very helpful. The best part is knowing that songs I learned long ago will sound even better later as I perfect each technique. Yes my guitar is my best friend, though not my only best friend, and I will continue to play until my hands no longer can...

What A Day

I hate when people are hypocritical. People shouldn't say things without checking themselves first. One of the worst insults in my book is when someone calls me a bad Christian. Especially when just saying that makes that person judgmental and that isn't what Jesus would do, is it?

A New Day

Today's a new day and things are starting to look up. I went to DSHS today and was approved for food stamps so I no longer have to struggle in that area. Also if I can get the right paperwork and approvals, I may qualify for cash. The only downer is that a friend of mine told me to check out Lenny's page because of posts he was making so I did. What I found was he was commenting about stuff I had written in this blog which means he's reading it. (Talk about not letting go) He was posting about how he had let go of everything and of having any romantic relationship with me but he posted it over and over and over proving that he isn't actually over it. Or perhaps he is over that part because he's found something else (involving me of course) to obsess over. Honestly I've tried being civil and if I see him anywhere I will continue to be but I'm so tired of this crap! Not to mention I'm so pissed because my parents didn't know she got the naked pictures from him or that I gave him them but he practically posted that all over his facebook! How stupid can you get! Think through your actions. That has never been his strong point by the way. If your still reading this Lenny then you really need to let go because I'm past the point of being nice and babying you and not speaking my mind because of your normal reactions and suicide threats. I'm tired of keeping my thoughts to myself because of not wanting to upset you. You're a big boy, learn to deal!

I LOVE MY BEST FRIEND

You gotta love best friends! Mine knows how to make me laugh when I need it. We are two crazy girls with a hell of a friendship! I can't wait until we get a place together and can be crazy 24/7! LOL!

Crazy Situation

In late 2009 I met a guy, let's call him Lenny, at the Christian club on campus. He was a nice guy and we quickly became friends. The club had this thing called prayer cards where you would right down your prayer requests and give them to another member who gives you theirs and you pray for whatever they wrote down. At first I traded them with a girl I already knew until Lenny started trading with me. Now that I look back on it, he seemed to go out of his way to make sure I had his cards which isn't a big deal but it explains later events. Anyway, he was married so he introduced me to his wife and the three of us got to know each other a little. I didn't find out until about 4 months later but they were having some serious marital problems. The reason I'm adding this is because I ended up being sucked into them. His wife was cheating on him and wanted out of the marriage. At the time Lenny didn't have many friends he could trust and none of those friends were male so I ended up being the one he talked to about his marital problems. He told me a lot of what was going on and made me promise not to mention it to his wife which wasn't a problem since she and I were more acquaintances than friends. Not too long after he started using me as his sound board (I don't mean that to sound mean because at the time I didn't mind) I was sitting with her in the mall, waiting for Lenny to come back, and she told me a bit about their marital issues. She said they were getting a divorce and she was already seeing someone else. After telling me this she asked me to be Lenny's new girlfriend. Naturally I was shocked. She said she wanted him to have someone so he wouldn't try to stop her from leaving and she believed the two of us were a good match. I turned her down saying "I never date married guys. Even when they are getting a divorce." I later informed Lenny of what she said and he seemed a bit surprised but not completely since this was the type of person she was. In May of 2010, after the divorced papers had been filed, she moved back to her home state but she didn't leave without once again suggesting that I date Lenny as soon as possible. I thought about that for a while and had mention it to Lenny. After the divorce was final, Lenny asked me out and I said yes. Honestly I'll give almost anyone a chance once and Lenny was a good guy. We dated for a few weeks before I started getting uncomfortable and unhappy. I tried to make it work and we talked about the future because the thought of the things possible getting better gave me hope that our relationship might work. I continued to do this for a few more weeks because I knew if I stayed with him that he would give me everything I ever wanted but I also knew that wasn't a good reason for staying with someone. We, at one point, began talking about marriage and after I entertained that thought with him he changed a bit. He became very clingy and I am not the kind of girl that can deal with men like that. I even stopped spending time with him because I couldn't deal with it. However, this is not the main reason why I broke up with him. I finally decided to break things off because, although he said he loved (And I believe he did because I believe he still does) I didn't love him. At least not in a romantic way. He begged me to reconsider but I knew I couldn't stay with him because I would never be happy and after weeks of praying about our relationship I knew that Lenny was not the man God intended me to marry and be with forever. He called me a liar because he believed that because we talked about marriage and because I accepted a promise ring from him that I lied about it. Maybe it is the same as lying though I didn't see it that way. He is the type of person that takes everything you say as a promise. For example, if I said "I may come over tomorrow" he would take that as a promise. Even when we were just friends he would accuse me of breaking promises just because he assumed what I said was a promise when it wasn't. After about a month of staying away from him I agreed to carry on a non romantic friendship with Lenny. I actively tried to be friends with him because he was still a nice guy but he still acted as though he was in love with me and then something big happened. His ex-wife started harassing me. She had sent me and my best friend harassing messages soon after she moved which was odd because as I said before she had offered him up to me before she moved. Right after I broke up with Lenny the harassing got very bad. She sent me and my best friend hurtful and hateful emails and IMs. She got naked photos of me that I had sent Lenny while we were dating and created multiple facebooks pretending to me and posted the pictures. It all put us both in a really bad place with our depression. She said she got the pictures by hacking into Lenny's email but I'm not so sure. He is a nice guy and he did a lot for me that I appreciate but he has reason to hurt me this way. I broke his heart and he hates his ex-wife so he may be helping her with info so I will hate her more and he can get me back for dumping him. I caught him in a multiple lies and the timeline he gave me for how she got the pictures from his email didn't makes sense. Also she made fun of me in emails and IMs about information that only Lenny knew. I decided that since there was no way to prove whether or not he was involved that I would need to stop being his friend. I asked my friends to not tell him anything about me at all because he refuses to let go. My hope is that he will finally give up and get over me if he gets cut off from me completely. I guess only time will tell. I just hope he doesn't try to approach me because he believes that things always blow over. He may think that I will get over it over time but to be honest it's him who needs to get over it and I don't mean to sound mean but it's the truth. He refuses to accept that I will NEVER be his girlfriend again. He once told me that God told him we were meant to be together but he also told me when we were dating that God said we could have sex. Since the Bible says premarital sex is wrong that means he is letting his emotions control his brain which is telling him what God wants and not actually what God wants. Basically I believe his emotions are convincing him that God is telling him what he wants to hear and blocking what God actually wants. I also believe this because God has told me the opposite and if God really wanted us to be together then he wouldn't have let me feel the way I did. He would have allowed me to love Lenny in a romantic way. Basically all I'm saying is I'm done with Lenny as a boyfriend and now as a friend for various reasons and I hope he doesn't try to fix things between us because I'm willing to get a restraining and no contact order against him. Hopefully he will finally accept what has happened and let go and it will never come to that. Well that's my life right now...

About Me

Well for starters I'm a pastor's kid but don't let that title fool you. I love the Lord but I'm not the uptight "you better not cuss around me" type. In fact, I've been known to let a few of those words loose myself. I was born in Washington but grew up in both Colorado and California. I moved back to Washington for college and now I'm living with my grandparents while I figure out what I want to do with my life. I'm still going to school as of now for my associates in arts in music but I still don't know exactly what I want. I guess that's how most people feel. Basically I don't know what I want in life but I guess that is part of my depression which I've been suffering from since my early teens. I never know what else to say in these initial "About Me" posts but it you want to know something just let me know through a comment...