Life Sucks

I feel like crap right now. I’ve been filling out job applications like crazy. I always seem to be filling one out but it’s different now. I’ve run out of money and my family can’t afford to support me forever so now a job is more necessary. This whole process has forced me to realize that even though I thought I was pretty grown up, I’m not. It’s time for me to grow up and get a job and that scares me. I wish God would just tell me what to do. What do I need to do? Part of me wonders what career he has in mind for me. I just wanna cry right now because I feel so lost. I wish I knew what to do and wasn’t so confused and sad. WHAT DO I DO NOW!?! I feel like crying. Usually I bury myself in my stories so I forget but I need to stop doing that and face reality. I’m not a kid and I need to not act like it. I almost wish I was though. Right now I just want to crawl into bed and never come out again. I get now why people say to enjoy your childhood. I don’t know. I guess my depression is really getting to me. Not to mention the person who’s harassing me. She finally got to the point of actually literally saying she’s going to kill me and steal my dog. As if I wasn’t paranoid enough. I just need this to end yet that isn’t happening. For the first time in my life I’m actually upset with God. I love him and believe in him but that doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t stop this. Sometimes I wonder if he loves us as much as the bible says. Parents are supposed to do everything they can to protect their children. I ask him to stop her and my family and friends ask him to stop her. I put my faith into the fact that he will and all I get is disappointment. I’m still a Christian. I believe what the bible says but I just wonder why God lets people be so cruel or at least why doesn’t he warn or protect us from them. Especially as Christians. Who knows? I just want it all over and done.