Pray from my puppy!

My dog has been sick for a few days. He's got diarrhea and has to go all the time. Please pray for him! He needs it!

Comedian Jeff Allen on Underwear

We Say Toot

Men Should Get Pregnant

Christians Don't Have curse Words

Jeff Dunham

Mangling words

Why do people have to get upset and mangle your words to hurt others and try turn them against you? I can't believe someone would be so immature! Way to be an adult...

Haters That Never Stop Hating

It's so annoying when people constantly have to put others down. Why do they get obsessed? I've got this woman, the ex-wife of my ex-boyfriend, who can't seem to let anything go. First off she told me, while she was still married, that she wanted me to date her husband. I told her no but later, once the divorce was final, I dated him. She seems to think we were together before then which doesn't make sense. We broke up rather soon after that and she knows that. She also knows we are no longer friends yet she still harasses me and my bestie because she says we caused her divorce. It's like she thinks that it doesn't matter that she cheated on him many times before they were divorced. She told us her husband was abusive. I don't get it. Why is she harassing me and my friend when he's the one she'd mad at. Especially when I'm not his friend or anything. It's annoying. I'm looking forward to the day when the police arrest her and she gets in trouble for everything she's done.

Early Morning Blues

Ugh! I hate getting up early. I always feel like crap when I do. I get some sort of irritable bowel thing when I get up before 9. Maybe I'll get lucky and find a doctor who can do something about it. I think if I didn't get so sick I would be able to get up early more often. It's just one of those things I guess...

A Fire Can Change Everything

"It can't happen to me." "I'm not like them." These two phrases are two of the biggest untruths people can voice. I used to think this in a way until last night when a poster fell off my wall and onto a candle I was burning. Luckily the fire caused by this wasn't too big and I got it out before it became serious but even that small fire changed my outlook on some things. I've heard the firetrucks and seen them fly by on the road but never have I ever thought it would happen to me. Granted the firetrucks never cam e to my room because, as I said, the fire was small. However, it melted the top part of my printer so now I can't scan or copy items. It also poured soot into the printer as I poured water over the fire. I can't remember the last time I was this terrified. The simple fact that I may not even be able to pay my bills for February means I definitely can't afford to replace this printer. It's a sad feeling thinking that I don't even have the $100 to pay my bills. How I wish I would get a letter in the mail with money in it from an anonymous donor. LOL. Like that would ever happen. It would be nice but that's another matter. As I was saying, a fire can change everything. I was fortunate enough to only have to deal with a small one that I was able to deal with myself. Fires are dangerous and never something to fool with. Hopefully I'll never have to deal with one again...

I've Come to Realize

I've come to realize that my body is... larger than a size that i'm comfortable with

I've come to realize that my job is ... to get a good education and become self-sufficient 

I've come to realize that when I'm driving... I've started to yell almost as much as my grandfather

I've come to realize that I need nothing more in life than... God, my family, and my friends

I've come to realize that I've lost my... motivation for a lot of things

I've come to realize that I hate... when people are hypocritical and judgmental

I've come to realize that money is... hard to come by these days

I've come to realize that certain people... will hate me no matter what i do and possibly hate me just cuz I'm me

I've come to realize that I'll always remember... who was there for me and who didn't disappear at my darkest hours

I've come to realize that my siblings... are stronger than me and I'm proud of them

I've come to realize that my mom... Is one of my best friends and will never judge me no matter what stupid thing I do

I've come to realize that my Dad is... my hero and does everything he can to help me with even the smallest things

I've come to realize that my cell phone… is almost never turned off

I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning... I follow a routine no matter the time

I've come to realize that at night... sleep doesn't always come

I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about... how there is nothing to watch on TV

I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook... I get hurt because of the woman who wants to ruin my life

I've come to realize that today... I felt just as crappy as yesterday

I've come to realize that tonight... it's colder than ever in my room

I've come to realize that tomorrow... I will finally go to a church related activity since I last went to church in December

I've come to realize that I really want to... write a song

I've come to realize that this weekend... will be just like all the others with the exception of the party tomorrow

I've come to realize that the best music to listen to when I'm upset is... Christian music because it always lifts me up

I've come to realize that my friends... are the ones who are there for me and who I can trust

I've come to realize that this year... I want to get mentally healthy

I've come to realize that maybe I should... work harder at getting better

I've come to realize I really don't understand... why life has to suck so much

I've come to realize that my past... is history

I've come to realize that parties... can be fun as long as the people there don't try to do anything illegal

I've come to realize that my life is... frustrating but can get better

Netflix Rocks!

I love Netflix! It's great being able to watch movies off the internet through my Xbox 360. It's way better than cable because you choose what you want from a wide variety of movies and you can watch it from the beginning. You can fast-forward or rewind as if you had the DVD itself or even get the DVDs and watch them that way. With cable you have to choose from what is on and even with 500 channels there isn't always something worth watching. Netflix is the best!

Will It Never End???

I got a message from a friend today saying that Lenny is have an emotional breakdown and has posted on facebook and his blog about how I sent him an email to finish things up. They also said that his friends we calling me a coward for doing it. I hate when people judge before they know the whole story. They don't know that I tried to do that in person. They don't know how hard it is to explain stuff to Lenny because he always takes it the wrong way. I sent him the email and, according to what my friend told me, he even mistook my words from that email. I tried to explain to him everything there was to say that night that I ended out friendship but honestly I still care about him as a person and I could tell he was upset. I didn't want to prolong that moment. The only reason I sent him the email is because he wouldn't stop bothering my best friend the night we were hanging out about how to fix the problem (The only reason I know is because I was looking through her ringtones and messages kept popping up). I sent the email because he wasn't getting it or maybe he was just refusing to accept it. I don't know. All I know is I'm looking forward to the day when I don't get messages from friends saying he's sharing our problem with the world. I got news for you world I FORGIVE HIM! I have for a while and just because I won't be his friend again doesn't mean I don't. I'm just done. I didn't actually read his posts or blog and I'm not going to but from what I was told he seems to think that just because I won't be his friend means I don't forgive him. Apparently he's acting as though I can only forgive by being his friend. Thats like saying a wife can't forgive her husband for cheating on her without getting back together. Like a wife in that situation I forgive him but I'm done. I am the type of person who gives trust in the beginning. Granted I don't give full trust but I would say I give about 75% trust in the beginning. From there the person has the option of proving them self trustworthy and trying to make it to 100% or proving themselves untrustworthy and eventually making it down to 0%. Over the last 16months Lenny has been very kind and generous but being kind and generous doesn't make up for lies he told and actions he took that took him down to 0%. You can't buy trust and friendship. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything he's done but it doesn't make up for his mistakes. I forgive his mistakes but I'm done with dealing with the trust issues and obsessions. I am done with this whole situation and I have asked my friends and family to stop informing me on what he's doing so Lenny if you're reading this, know that I will no longer have any update on you so don't post anything for me because I won't see or hear about it. Before I go I'd like to say one last thing. This whole thing is not because of Lenny's disability. If it were because of that then this would have happened a long time ago. Also it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm bipolar and no amount of medication will fix this. I'm sorry but that's how it is. Now that I will not longer get info on Lenny my life can finally continue peacefully...

I Love My Guitar

My acoustic guitar has always been my best friend, even before I learned to play it. I love the way it sounds when I strum each string. I love to spend hours learning new chords and songs. The only problem with that is, sometimes I lose track of time which makes my alarm very helpful. The best part is knowing that songs I learned long ago will sound even better later as I perfect each technique. Yes my guitar is my best friend, though not my only best friend, and I will continue to play until my hands no longer can...

What A Day

I hate when people are hypocritical. People shouldn't say things without checking themselves first. One of the worst insults in my book is when someone calls me a bad Christian. Especially when just saying that makes that person judgmental and that isn't what Jesus would do, is it?

A New Day

Today's a new day and things are starting to look up. I went to DSHS today and was approved for food stamps so I no longer have to struggle in that area. Also if I can get the right paperwork and approvals, I may qualify for cash. The only downer is that a friend of mine told me to check out Lenny's page because of posts he was making so I did. What I found was he was commenting about stuff I had written in this blog which means he's reading it. (Talk about not letting go) He was posting about how he had let go of everything and of having any romantic relationship with me but he posted it over and over and over proving that he isn't actually over it. Or perhaps he is over that part because he's found something else (involving me of course) to obsess over. Honestly I've tried being civil and if I see him anywhere I will continue to be but I'm so tired of this crap! Not to mention I'm so pissed because my parents didn't know she got the naked pictures from him or that I gave him them but he practically posted that all over his facebook! How stupid can you get! Think through your actions. That has never been his strong point by the way. If your still reading this Lenny then you really need to let go because I'm past the point of being nice and babying you and not speaking my mind because of your normal reactions and suicide threats. I'm tired of keeping my thoughts to myself because of not wanting to upset you. You're a big boy, learn to deal!

I LOVE MY BEST FRIEND

You gotta love best friends! Mine knows how to make me laugh when I need it. We are two crazy girls with a hell of a friendship! I can't wait until we get a place together and can be crazy 24/7! LOL!

Crazy Situation

In late 2009 I met a guy, let's call him Lenny, at the Christian club on campus. He was a nice guy and we quickly became friends. The club had this thing called prayer cards where you would right down your prayer requests and give them to another member who gives you theirs and you pray for whatever they wrote down. At first I traded them with a girl I already knew until Lenny started trading with me. Now that I look back on it, he seemed to go out of his way to make sure I had his cards which isn't a big deal but it explains later events. Anyway, he was married so he introduced me to his wife and the three of us got to know each other a little. I didn't find out until about 4 months later but they were having some serious marital problems. The reason I'm adding this is because I ended up being sucked into them. His wife was cheating on him and wanted out of the marriage. At the time Lenny didn't have many friends he could trust and none of those friends were male so I ended up being the one he talked to about his marital problems. He told me a lot of what was going on and made me promise not to mention it to his wife which wasn't a problem since she and I were more acquaintances than friends. Not too long after he started using me as his sound board (I don't mean that to sound mean because at the time I didn't mind) I was sitting with her in the mall, waiting for Lenny to come back, and she told me a bit about their marital issues. She said they were getting a divorce and she was already seeing someone else. After telling me this she asked me to be Lenny's new girlfriend. Naturally I was shocked. She said she wanted him to have someone so he wouldn't try to stop her from leaving and she believed the two of us were a good match. I turned her down saying "I never date married guys. Even when they are getting a divorce." I later informed Lenny of what she said and he seemed a bit surprised but not completely since this was the type of person she was. In May of 2010, after the divorced papers had been filed, she moved back to her home state but she didn't leave without once again suggesting that I date Lenny as soon as possible. I thought about that for a while and had mention it to Lenny. After the divorce was final, Lenny asked me out and I said yes. Honestly I'll give almost anyone a chance once and Lenny was a good guy. We dated for a few weeks before I started getting uncomfortable and unhappy. I tried to make it work and we talked about the future because the thought of the things possible getting better gave me hope that our relationship might work. I continued to do this for a few more weeks because I knew if I stayed with him that he would give me everything I ever wanted but I also knew that wasn't a good reason for staying with someone. We, at one point, began talking about marriage and after I entertained that thought with him he changed a bit. He became very clingy and I am not the kind of girl that can deal with men like that. I even stopped spending time with him because I couldn't deal with it. However, this is not the main reason why I broke up with him. I finally decided to break things off because, although he said he loved (And I believe he did because I believe he still does) I didn't love him. At least not in a romantic way. He begged me to reconsider but I knew I couldn't stay with him because I would never be happy and after weeks of praying about our relationship I knew that Lenny was not the man God intended me to marry and be with forever. He called me a liar because he believed that because we talked about marriage and because I accepted a promise ring from him that I lied about it. Maybe it is the same as lying though I didn't see it that way. He is the type of person that takes everything you say as a promise. For example, if I said "I may come over tomorrow" he would take that as a promise. Even when we were just friends he would accuse me of breaking promises just because he assumed what I said was a promise when it wasn't. After about a month of staying away from him I agreed to carry on a non romantic friendship with Lenny. I actively tried to be friends with him because he was still a nice guy but he still acted as though he was in love with me and then something big happened. His ex-wife started harassing me. She had sent me and my best friend harassing messages soon after she moved which was odd because as I said before she had offered him up to me before she moved. Right after I broke up with Lenny the harassing got very bad. She sent me and my best friend hurtful and hateful emails and IMs. She got naked photos of me that I had sent Lenny while we were dating and created multiple facebooks pretending to me and posted the pictures. It all put us both in a really bad place with our depression. She said she got the pictures by hacking into Lenny's email but I'm not so sure. He is a nice guy and he did a lot for me that I appreciate but he has reason to hurt me this way. I broke his heart and he hates his ex-wife so he may be helping her with info so I will hate her more and he can get me back for dumping him. I caught him in a multiple lies and the timeline he gave me for how she got the pictures from his email didn't makes sense. Also she made fun of me in emails and IMs about information that only Lenny knew. I decided that since there was no way to prove whether or not he was involved that I would need to stop being his friend. I asked my friends to not tell him anything about me at all because he refuses to let go. My hope is that he will finally give up and get over me if he gets cut off from me completely. I guess only time will tell. I just hope he doesn't try to approach me because he believes that things always blow over. He may think that I will get over it over time but to be honest it's him who needs to get over it and I don't mean to sound mean but it's the truth. He refuses to accept that I will NEVER be his girlfriend again. He once told me that God told him we were meant to be together but he also told me when we were dating that God said we could have sex. Since the Bible says premarital sex is wrong that means he is letting his emotions control his brain which is telling him what God wants and not actually what God wants. Basically I believe his emotions are convincing him that God is telling him what he wants to hear and blocking what God actually wants. I also believe this because God has told me the opposite and if God really wanted us to be together then he wouldn't have let me feel the way I did. He would have allowed me to love Lenny in a romantic way. Basically all I'm saying is I'm done with Lenny as a boyfriend and now as a friend for various reasons and I hope he doesn't try to fix things between us because I'm willing to get a restraining and no contact order against him. Hopefully he will finally accept what has happened and let go and it will never come to that. Well that's my life right now...

About Me

Well for starters I'm a pastor's kid but don't let that title fool you. I love the Lord but I'm not the uptight "you better not cuss around me" type. In fact, I've been known to let a few of those words loose myself. I was born in Washington but grew up in both Colorado and California. I moved back to Washington for college and now I'm living with my grandparents while I figure out what I want to do with my life. I'm still going to school as of now for my associates in arts in music but I still don't know exactly what I want. I guess that's how most people feel. Basically I don't know what I want in life but I guess that is part of my depression which I've been suffering from since my early teens. I never know what else to say in these initial "About Me" posts but it you want to know something just let me know through a comment...